Just keep going

That's been my mantra these past few weeks. I also like to tell myself, "get comfortable with being uncomfortable."

Sometimes there is a LOT of work that needs to be done, and even though you want to sit in front of the television and veg out on Orange is the New Black, you have to stick to your guns and get 'er done. So I've been sleeping as much as possible to keep the energy reserves up, and dedicating extra time to get shit done. (I found that putting on Orange is the New Black while sketching is a great way to feel like I'm not working!)

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These are sketches of some t-shirt designs to promote "The Three Things".  The book will be finished in about 2 weeks, so I'm trying to get everything else made for the kickstarter pledge members!

I attended the SCBWI conference in Los Angeles at the beginning of August. The people were wonderful! Everyone wanted to share their love for stories and art with each other, and the whole time I felt like I was spending my days with old friends. In a way I was because I also got to connect with some really lovely colleagues I haven't seen in forever. We shared our portfolios, discussed the market, talked about art and books and life.

The keynote speakers were especially superb in their comedic timing and emotive perfomances. Every inspiring speech and every breakout session had a thick root hidden inside from which all magic and success stems: perserverence. There is no key, no answer, no "right" way to go about anything. There are smart ways and strategy, but really, it comes down to doing what you love.

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These metal sword holders were from the 1800-1850's in an Art Nouveau style.  They caught my eye at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco and I used them as inspiration for the t-shirt designs above.

It was a message a lot of artists need to hear but have a hard time doing so. We always ask, "How do I monetize my art? How can I make a living??" But that isn't what artists should focus if they want the muse to visit.

So, I've been working on getting freelance off my plate and the promo images finished for The Three Things t-shirts and what not. Then... Oh, then.... I'm going to start on the next project. And my soul is softly singing for this project. She's waiting for me to stop stacking things in front of her path because all she wants to do is walk on down to Waldan's pond and create freely.

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A freelance project I've been working on for a really cool tech company.

A book. A story of a painter. 'Twas a seed planted several years ago.

In time, my friends!

Love,

Annie

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Stay sweet y'all!  My sis made some delicious peach jam over the weekend.  Make time to family and enjoying earth's gifts. :)

Why I love Instagram

I find that social media keeps me connected to people in a great way, but most of the time it overwhelms and agitates me. Being an artist and absolutely needing to share your work, social media becomes this big ole "to-do" list. I usually have a flood of ideas of what I want to post, how often to post it, and then that voice inside my head starts firing off rounds of "should do it now! you're not making enough stuff, Annie, what are you waiting for?!" Ahhhh!

Therefore I always give up.

But then there's instagram.

I've made Instagram something different for me. It's not social at all. It's research, inspiration, curiosity, and love. It's not a to-do list, either. I look forward to snapping a photo of a sketch and uploading it.

I do NOT follow friends.

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Instagram is the one place I curate my feed to give me something every day. It's a meditation. I can see what other people are creating and how they see the world in a unique way. I can get away from the "look at me, look at me!" and immerse myself in the "look at this, look at that!".

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This is not a new idea. I read online somewhere about curating your instagram feed and I tried it. It was so wonderful that I wanted to share the idea with you.

Ask yourself what will make your day? What will remind you to play?

I follow people in several different categorys that include:

• Illustrators
• Plant photography
• Vegan chefs
• Street Art
• Donut cats

I've noticed a huge difference in my attitude when I post and peruse instagram. There is less validation, more inspiration. Less superfluous account checking, more intentional viewing. I have warm happy thoughts when I think about Instagram. :)

This may not be a new concept to any of you, but I hope it is a reminder or an suggestion that strikes a chord. I notice people on their phones together at restaurants all the time, barely sharing a word the entire meal. I wonder, if we used social media in a proactive way to enhance and educate us, would we spend so much time on it? Are we just on social sites for the validation, or is it really the best way we can connect with people now-a-days(probably not).

Next on my agenda: how to curate my facebook.

Oh gosh, that's a task.

A Visit

I left the planet on a blue beam of light. Looking out at the world, I felt weightless and playful. I even propped my head up on my hand as if laying on sand at the beach and admiring the vastness of the ocean. But I was told to go back, so I began following a pink light beam back down and toward my future self- 20 years from now. She would be turning 49.

I swirled around into the green countryside somewhere- probably in Europe. I was surrounded by vineyards and lived in a stone house with some red geraniums and other wild flowers marking the entrance. The dwelling looked old but well taken care of. I approached the door and knocked. A tan, strong, and relaxed looking woman answered the door. She did not look like me but she was supposed to be me.

"Is he here?" I asked strait away, fearing that I'd have no future husband. For some reason I needed to know before introductions.

"Nope." She had a trowel in her hand, a loose grey shirt and kaki green shorts. Her demeanor was so relaxed it was almost dismissive.

She led me inside past some of the rooms of her stylish house. Teals and rusted, vintage furniture sat in the sparse but well lit rooms. There was lots of physical space and little to clutter it up. We made it to the sitting room with large beautiful windows that looked out into the vineyard.

"How do I get to where you are now?" I asked. She leaned forward and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

"You have to go your own way. You have to let go." She gave me a kiss on the forhead and really intended to comfort me. But I just felt so confused.

I looked out the french doors into layers and layers of green hills. "Are you off the grid, here?" I always pictured myself in New York City, or some other bustling place where I could always meet people with ease and as often as I liked. Instead, my future self was sitting in a stone house in the middle of no where... alone.

She nodded and laughed a little, leaning back into the chair with her ankle crossed over her knee. I can't say she looked happy because she was so confident that it was beyond happiness. It was knowing.

"What do people call you by? What special name do you go by now?" I wondered.

"I have no name." Her lip curled and she half laughed as she and waved made the slightest of waves with her wrist.

I felt feeble and feminine and small, and this woman felt sturdy, masculine, and secure. "Why don't you look like me?" I asked, desperate for some clarity. Bodies change but faces tend to stay somewhat the same. My future self shared no resemblence.

"You're right. I don't look like you. But all of this is you. You will be strong, you will be at peace, you do want space and... no name. I am your future self." She leaned forward with assurance, but I was disappointed.

It was time to leave so I said my gratitude and stood to go.

I followed my blue beam back into space and then found a white light beam to take me to the present. Coming back into my body, I found that I did not have any answers but rather a call to action. I must let go. Everything I envisioned for myself till now could possibly be wrong. Or maybe I need to focus on not envisioning a place, a look, and name, but rather a feeling, and the rest will take care of itself.

I have to let go. But I don't know how to just yet.

When you're not good enough.

I had an experience yesterday where I saw an amazing artist working in the same position that I'm in for another company but doing a WAY better job.

I drooled over her work, gawked at the effortless quality and precision of her line work. Then I looked at my own drawings and saw the wobbly lines... and I freaked.

I have so much to learn!

"I'll never be as good as her. I don't draw enough. I can't figure out how to do that texture thingy- I mean what brush does that? And how does she get such clean lines? Grrraaaww!" The voices would not stop.

To celebrate this melt down I thought I would share some of my thoughts post-tantrum and a few shitty drawings. (I also drew them with my left hand so they are extra ugly.)

Ick.

I wrestled with this frustration for the rest of the day and almost got back into my old habits of retreating to my room and throwing pillows at the wall, then drawing for 3 hours to try and make up for lost time. But I didn't do that. It seems that in my older age I don't want to feel the self hatred anymore. I just want to get better at technique and at creating art because I LOVE doing it.

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A friend shared a quote with me that didn't help me feel better, but reminded me that the frustration is there for a reason:

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through." - Ira Glass

We forget we're still pretty sweet and special sometimes.

T'was a wake up call.

It's time to break out the books and start learning some more skills, focus on tightning up the drawings, and experiment with technique.

I think another important message I revieced was this:

We cannot just better ourselves with classes and books, we have to remember to do the things we do because they speak to us, because our souls wants to live life through doing it (whatever that is). I doesn't matter if we're behind in some way, or if we can't draw like [insert favorite artist here]. Maybe we just draw or paint like outselves and pave a new road. It is a journey afterall. And the more skill you pick up, the more tools you have on your journey, but some of the most powerful tools are the ones that you find deep inside yourself, the place where only you can go and explore.

Happy heart.  Crappy art.

That said, I'm looking forward to taking some time to sit back and focus on skill building. It's been 5 years since college, and I haven't really given myself the opportunity to take a class. I love taking classes and I love picking up new tricks. I'm also going to draw something for myself and myself only every day to remind me of myself. A Self portrait, you might say. Today I drew three really ugly self portraits and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Love, Annie