Nos encontraremos en el Sol

I've had the pleasure and the opportunity to travel recetly. It was life changing. Not in a major way, but in many small, subtle ways, to the point of it seeming like dream bites.

I wasn't afraid to go until I stepped on the plane. In rougly 18 hours (which included a layover) I would arrive in Madrid, alone. No one was waiting for me there. Now that excited me. What scared me most was not being able to ask for help.

I took spanish in high school, but I'm rubbish at it now. I can understand quite a bit and read pleanty of it, but converse with a real human? Goodness no. I'm rusty. I'm shy. I freeze up.

I'm on the metro, empty... like metros usually are at airports. I have no idea what time it is because my phone's service is disconnected. But I'm here! And I'm travelling, here to draw, see, feel it all. I want to remember- how can I serve? How can I best be a light?

I left for Spain feeling very confused about what I should be doing to help make the world better. I was hoping to gain some clarity and get over this funk I was in.

Dancing in the street!  Near the Reina Sofia museum during the San Isidro festival.

But then I connected with people and everything changed. I met some lovely people at the hostel and on my walking tour fresh in the morning. After the tour ended around lunchtime, I'd made a new friend, and we spent the next few days visiting museums, talking about art, and taking photos. We even drew together in Reiro park. Zaki and Elody, you made my time in Madrid magical!

El Parque de Retiro

By far, one of the most beautiful parks I've been to was Retiro Park near the Prado museum. It was large and in charge, green as a grasshopper, stylish and relaxed with beautiful people riding their bikes and strolling along the various paths. I love this park, and I'm deeply impressed by how grand it is. The Monumeno de Alfonso was superb, and there's nothing more calming than watching people lazily paddle their boats around the beautiful structure.

I started most of my days with early morning walks and a coffee. The San Isidro Festival was going on that week so they were setting up for events and testing microphones. Light conversation between myself and the cafe waiter or a fellow traveler included with coffee every time, free of charge.

The Spanish countryside is beautiful and green. It reminds me of Napa in parts. I missed my train.... Had to wait 4 hours for the next one because I went to the wrong station. I'm pleasantly surprised, though, that when something goes wrong, life goes on. It's not really a big deal. I was so afraid something like this would happen, but in the end, I'm ok!

I walked around the train station for a long time, read my book but mostly watched other people. The train was comfortable and headed to San Sebastian where I would stay with my first host from couchsurfing.com.

....

What's new with you?

What's new, friends? It's Spring and I don't know about you, but I can feel the new beginnings that are ready to burst forth and take us somewhere. The weather is helping inspire this energy, too, if I do say so myself.

Just to recap, I did a trial run of a self portrait painting workshop. It was a lot of fun, and proved helpful for those of us that need to get in touch with our intuitive artist. I'm blending some yoga, process painting, and play with this workshop. Along with this artistic soul spring cleaning, you walk away with a self portrait which is a really fun thing to keep in your time capsule (or give to your Mom). Good stuff.

I'm also getting ready for my trip to Spain and France next month. I bought a fresh new sketchbook. This will be my first time going overseas alone so I'm swimming with a lot of emotions right now. Here's a drawing from a couple years ago when I went to Scotland. Hopefully I will taste lots of beautiful things this time around, too....will need to find vegan versions thist time.

And today I broke in the sketchbook after a meetup with some lovely artist friends in San Francisco. While drawing on the corner, I met Elaine Jones, a beautiful 95 woman who told me about her vibrant life in the Richmond and Sunset neighborhoods, both of which have changed a lot over the decades. You wouldn't know she's 95, but had a surgical accident two years ago, and now can barely walk. We talked for 30 minutes or so before dinner as I sketched and she observed the sunset.

Spontaneous conversations leave me warm and comforted like nightlights.

What have you been up to? Our stories are precious. Share yours when you can!

Hangin' with the posse.

This last weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the Society of Childrens Book Writers and Illustrator's conference at Asilomar in Pacific Grove.

Beautiful place, beautiful people. I love this community and how much they support and encourage each other. At the end of the event, it was determined that we're all a little crazy. I'd never thought of us that way, but I guess we are. Artists and writers are known for following their hearts even when the world is telling them they're silly for doing so.

I took a bunch of crazy notes and met some crazy new friends. We suffered some power outages because Asilomar can't handle our crazy. Seriously, this group of people are the most loving and kind people you've ever met. If that's crazy...then this world don't know what's up.

I learned a lot about how to improve my compositions, which really comes down to focusing on design rather than drawing. I'm re-doing my dummy book and I'm already much happier with the new ideas are emerging.

My portfolio doesn't really speak to childrens lit, and that's ok. But I think I'll do a handful of new images for some classic fables to help strengthen the collection. I'm guessing that it's a lot like performing a cover song. If you give the viewer/listener somehting they recognize, then they can see how you interpret it.

And as for writing, it takes time. I've been journaling radically since I was about 9 but never crafted an entire novel and that's ok. Actually, it's really fun to learn! It's similar to moving around pieces of a puzzle, revealing certain parts of the story at certain times, so the reader is swept away. Harder that it looks, but worth trying.

The workshops were extreemly helpful and inspiring. I walked away having concrete steps to take in order to improve and move forward and some fire to propell me down the tunnel of kid lit madness.

We had a stormy Friday and Saturday, but all of us woke up to an incredible Sunday morning filled with sunshine and roaring waves in the distance. They called to us, so after most attendees left for their homes, a few of us took a long walk along the shore. We built a stone bridge across an ocean stream, admired some hipping and scuttling birds as they searched for sand snacks, and gazed out along a very beautiful part of the California coast.

I took so much away from this weekend. Mostly, that it doesn't matter what the world says about you, just that you follow your heart, which which will lead you to who you really are. You can fight it, but why not let your self fly when you can fly?

Now- time to get to work and make some killer books!

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Who are you?

When you want something, it's pretty simple, you just have to ask. Now, don't get me wrong. You will not always get exactly what you want, but (cue the Rolling Stones) you might get what you need.

Oh poo to this! I just want what I want, darnit!

So, I keep asking because I'm getting the same answer... but not the one I want. The one I want is the one where it feels magical and easy, or at least achievable in some capacity. But instead it is all discomfort, heartache, and fear. Honestly, I'm very scared of doing exactly what I want to do because of the following:

• Can I make a living doing it? If I can't, where will I go? Will my parents have to take care of their loser daughter?
• Am I even good enough to do it?
• Is it worth doing? Will it help anyone beyond making me happy?
• Will I be happy if I do this?

Ahhh! The small Andrea inside screams and she knows that she can't answer those questions. No one can. I think the outcome doesn't really matter, but at the same time it does. We can't control the outcome, we just have to be responsible of your actions, which we can translate to "ready and able to respond." Hey! It doesn't sound so scary when you break it down like that. You just have to accept that life will change, and that you must dance with it as it does so.

But change is so harrrrd. <--- Small Andrea again.

I listen... to nature, to people's stories, to books I come across, and to that little hollow place inside where my true voice speaks from. It's time to be real, it whispers. It's time to not hold back or be ashamed of who you are. But I'm laughing at this point because I wave my head around and yell out into the open skies, "But who the fuck am I?"

You see, I've been living for so long, trying to please other people, that I don't even know who I am anymore. All I have are little alarms that go beep beep! when I get off track, but I don't have the signage to guide me and keep me on the rails. I'm figuring out what these signs might look or feel like. They are subtle and usually come from my body, which I've ignored since I can remember.

I think a lot of us can relate to this by the way. How many times are we bombarded with ads for products that help us suppress our feelings? You know, those gut feelings that make you feel like you're floating into your chest cavity, the choking in your throat, the never-able-to-catch-your-breath moments. Often times I down a coffee or inhale a chocolate bar, maybe even sleep in an extra hour, just so I don't have to feel the disconnection. This is because I never recognized the feelings as my internal knowledge. I had no idea it was me.

I'm learning. That gut feeling is usually fear. The choking is when my words aren't truthful or need to be reconciled. The slight of breath is anxiety, emotion, and a lack of boundaries. The next step in my journey is learning to love and enjoy these feelings, appreciating them for the beautiful alerts they are. Without them I really am lost. And the alarms aren't so fun. The alarms take the form of sickness, irritability, depression, and self hatred.

Some ways I listen:

• Meditation and Prayer, because God always listens and speaks in the stillness.
• Yoga, because it introduces breath, movement, and a conversation with the body, mind, and spirit.
• Tarot because I'm a visual person and stories move me, so using images to help me understand my story is extreemely effective (and fun!).
• Tea and tinctures. The earth can heal you in so many ways, and ritual allows you to slow down, listen, and let yourself heal.
• Therapy. A trained and loving guide can make a world of difference.

I admit, I read so much on this subject, and I'm amazed by people who take chances and live their story. I'm a little obsessed, to be honest. But every time I hear of someone climbing a mountain, going on a 5 month hike alone, traveling around and couch surfing, quitting their job to work on a book, I get closer and closer to my truth. I have one body. One lifetime as Annie to do the things that bring me joy. All I have to do is follow the signs and ask.

It's weird, because it doesn't feel like I'm doing it right. And maybe I'm not.

But I'm trying and I think that counts.

Progress

Here is the progress on this banner image. I took an opaque layer and started refining things, using a pastel brush in photoshop and a regular pressure sensitive brush to carve out details. I haven't focused too much on the figure, and I plan to clean her up a lot tomorrow. Her anatomy is sad, so she might be completely redrawn. That's ok! Try, try again.

I used some references for this piece from a video game (not sure which one). So much beautiful artwork in that indistry. Damn.