Tea Time!

My twin sister held a New Years Eve tea this past Sunday. We decided it will be a new tradition, we loved it so much. She's a fricken Martha Stewart in the kitchen by the way, and has determination for days. She made homemade ciabatta bread for the veggie sandwiches, traditional scones, vegan scones for me, apple jam, and candied chai pecans for a spinach salad. I only made strawberry vegan tarts and was tired from it....

My older sister and aunties brought berries, rye sandwiches, and cookies, and we spent the afternoon talking about everything from Jerusalem to knitting to wrestling. An average day with the fam.

I love the idea of forging new traditions. My twin gave me a bracelet this Christmas that reads, "Live What You Love", and I think these two ideas go hand in hand. Every day, every holiday, live your passions and love. Craft days, traditions, and moments filled with that love and relish it.

This, I believe, makes life rich in the ways that count.

Happy New Year and here's to days brimming with love.

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Wins and new goals.

Maybe it's a bit premature to talk about 2018, but 2017 is almost over so what the heck.

I celebrated the release of a new picture book with Larisa Stephenson tonight, and it had me thinking about this whole year and what I would like to work on next year....which is in a few days. Although I'm proud to release this book, I look back on the past year as I created it, and more stuggle than I'd hoped to see.

I'm over all very happy with the work I've created in 2017. My clients and my author pals are a joy, and they gave me a lot of purpose. But taht purpose is dampened because I feel very unhealthy in my body. Even though I love making art, I resent sitting and doing it. My body screams back at me- elbow is janky, my tummy has been accumilating a couple of flat tires, and my brain can only focus for 30 minutes at a time.

Burnout? Yeah, a little of that. Diet and exercise regimen lacking? Most likely. Mental fog making it harder to see what needs to be shifted. For sure.

I have considered myself a healthy eater and an active individual, but this year has proven to me that something is not working. Even though I eat vegan, I've gained 15-20 lbs in 2017, lost a lot of muscle, and feel more mentally foggy that ever. I though vegan was good for the animals AND for me. But I'm suffering.

Tonight I read a little PDF by Arnold Ehret called, "Rational Fasting". It's free and full of wisdom, personal anecdotes, and research. Maybe it's a bit extreme, but it helped me uncover something that I needed to see.

He talks of "vegetarian gluttony" and the idea that moderation- true moderation- of animal foods and even processed [real] foods, are healther than the overeating of a vegetarian diet.

Ok. I do this. When I went vegan 2 years ago, I started eating like a horse. I am an emotional eater, and would eat to the point of discomfort when we went out to restaurants. I don't know why or where I learned this habit but I've done it for so long, and the new found freedom to gorge myself on "healthy vegan" foods enabled this addictive tendency. Even now, I don't really know what a healthy portion size is.

So here I am, eating fairly healthy, whole, real foods, and gaining weight. Feeling miseral, and not enjoying my art, my free time, my travel, because my body is uncomfortable. And all because I've tricked myself to thinking that because I eat nourishing foods, I can eat myself silly and still be ok. Maybe if I was running 4+ miles every day I would be ok. But I'm sitting at a desk drawing all day... because that's how you draw!

There are cultures all over the world that talk about health and longevity. They mention that eating small amounts is key to living longer and maintaining health. There is no vegetarian gluttony in recommended daily diet.

So 2018, I'm going to reclaim my wellbeing and give myself a chance to feel good again. I'm going to try a different approach to eating meals, and thinking about how much I actually need. Maybe I'll find that the space allows for more freedom, more comfort, and more ease- more focus to provide the best art I can, and tell the most truth I have inside of me!

Here here and happy new year!

I'll keep ya posted!

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Rest and Digest

Underneight all of the paintbrushes, thick, rough, Arches paper, under the invoices, emails, sketches, digital comps, micron doodles... is nothing.

An artist is no different from the person next to them. Their gift is about constantly channeling from the cosmos and converting into a visual language. It's magical, yes. But so are many other gifts that rock.

We are all creative and have this incredible power to invent, solve problems, and express ourselves. But we don't create constantly. We consume information, download information, digest it, process it, then eliminate or express it. There are stages where we can't create, in fact, where we even need to rest. "REst and digest"- we've heard this before, right?

It's lke eating, digesting, pooping. It's like that.

Imagine, now, that you had to produce poop for a living. So you had to feed yourself and digest quickly in order to do this, alllll day. How fucking uncomfortable!

I feel like being a commercial artist is a lot like this. Some people are fine pooping art out all day. I envy those rare few. But I have a hunch that at times even they need a break.

And the others, like me, revered artists as a child. They were told they were very talented, and something there connected. The career path sounded glorified. Oh, to work on a movie like Aladdin! Oh, to paint like James Jeam! Oh, to illustrate a book like Shaun Tan.... Oh, to be as cool as they are!

In daily life, however, it is not glamerous and there is no glory. It feels unatural and forced. In order to keep up, one must consume at a higher rate, process the information timely, and constantly produce. Part of this is due to lacking expertise, and part of this is due to naivete. Because art doesn't HAVE to be held in this kind of cage. It doesn't have to conform to these rules. In fact, it won't. Even if you try to, you'll experience its power and own will.

So I come back to self care as I realize that I want a different path. And it's ok that I'm not a constantly pooping artist. I have my own cycle of consumption, digestion, and elimination, and I feel more whole and loved when I listen to it.

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Keep Going!

I've been on a hunt this year to get published. I am learning how to connect with the community and show my stories. I admit, maybe it's working but I have had no yeses. Nada. A few "This is not a fit for me, but great artwork" and that's it.

I get it! I need to learn more and how to appeal to the industry. But man, it's tough putting your work out there that you deeply care about, and getting crickets.

The small part of me wants to give up. The small part wants to say "fuck it". But that's only the small part.

There's a lot of info out there, and what I've gleaned to be most vital is: showing your work, and creativly solving issues. That means revising, getting feedback, changing, tweaking. That also means sneding your work out there, showing it in Libraries, cafes, on social media. And most importantly, that means believing in yourself!

Now... I'm getting back to doing more personal work and letting my voice come through. Here's what's been coming out.

In other news, I'm heading back to California! I hope to be on the beach a week from now, drawing the seagulls and sand. New York has been really special and I'm sad to go. I might be back sooner than later, but until then I will revel in the Pacific Coast, and drink in its healing.

Sending you love and peace and kick ass vibes!

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.

Define "Love".

Some music for your reading pleasure...

This is what I asked my friends on facebook. It got 70+ comments whereas most of my posts get a handful. I wanted to know what real people think love means. The media shows us what it can look like: sometimes two people who smile at each other with fluttering eyes, then there are stories about people like mother Theresa and children who raise money to purchase hearing aids for other deaf kids. Then there is our own story about love.

Honestly I was asking about the big kind of “Love”, not really the romantic and sexy “love”, but that’s where most people stood in their definitions. We’re all obsessed with romantic relationships. And I get it. They’re powerful!

Here’s what they said:

Some didn’t want to define it in words.

Some said it was a biological lie.

One said it was chemically akin to eating a few chocolate bars.

And many said it required sacrifice, putting the other person first.

I challenged people on their answers, mostly because I’m curious how we can love someone dearly, then be an absolute asshole to someone else. Are only some people worthy of our love? Is love conditional? Does it have to be reciprocal to be called love?

Marriam Webster has several definitions for love, and I wanted to consider what Academia says about it. The first 3 talk about love for a thing or person. They call it a desire for an object, and it involves projecting feelings onto it. The 4th definition lacks the desire to have the object, but instead involves a wish for the object. There doesn’t seem to be any projection or pull. Its has a giving quality, an allowing quality about it.

A facebook friend said this: “Love is an unconditional feeling, it’s selfless.. uncontrollable, and has no limits or judgement.. a connection between souls, that is indescribable. I’ve done my best to describe it, but no one really can. It is the most powerful and beautiful thing.” -Jamie Jones

This kind of love is big and lasts throughout time. The other kind is dependent on the thing being there… One day that hot bod will turn flabby or someone might loose their mind with mental illness. I guess then you’ll know which kind of love you had for them.

The reason I asked this question in the first place is because I know so many loving people who still hate others. And what part of them is hating, I wonder? In order to love the “big Love”, you really do have to loose your self (thank you Jamie Jones!). So when we hate, are we too attached to ourself? Are we holding onto something?

It’s funny to me how many people hate a current political figure. He’s egotistic. Always saying, “I’m so good at this, and we’re the best country in the world! Muah!” He bashes others over the internet because it’s easy to. He makes so many of us cringe and scream at our screens. And what we hate so much is his ego. He makes decisions based on it and we want to yell at our neighbors who support him, and secretly wish to find him and slap his face.

We want to rid the world of it so much, yet we hold on so dearly to our own.

T.E Lawrence wrote “The truest knowledge of love might be to love what self despised.”

You don’t have to condone their actions, and you don’t have to enjoy them. You only have to have compassion and hope for their healing regardless of what you get in return. It’s unconditional, and it doesn’t feel springy and soft, but it lasts. It lasts when the person or thing is gone, and it carries people through tough times.

I have a challenge for you: Find someone you know or don’t know personally that really rubs you the wrong way. For one day, choose to love them. Choose to see them as a human being, who suffers, and wish for their happiness and healing.

Can you offer this? Will you offer this?

Annie is an author and illustrator with books available on Amazon and local book stores. She is open for commission, too! She lives in California, and loves tea, bike rides, reading, and exploring new places.